that scent lingers on...

years have past now

what a mess I made of everything

that bitter stench

seems to grow in potency

"am I your reflection, melting mirror smile,

am I worth the value, do my love defile"

sweet vapour that filled the air that day

now stings and rots the mind away

sour - the taste

of my self-condemnation

is all that I know

after spitting out

the sweetest thing

ever to touch my tongue

sunshine on long drives

spirits late at night

eight tiny legs

that will leave you

defenseless and numb

cornered, as tears stream

though it may seem funny to some

laughter aside

the more that I think about it

the worse it gets

there's no time to atone

for the sins of my past

I'll break down if I stop

to remember what I held in my hands

and let slip away

anyway, it's over now

all that's left is this goddamn smell

I, of calamity

I'll wreck all that I see

anything and everything

mindless destructive glee

I'll abolish all

who'd seek to be close to me

for what it's worth...

I wish I could erase my mistakes

but this is reality

and unfortunately

what may have been

will now, never be...

All Fours

"compare your life

to mine"

I drink from the poisoned mouth

her kiss so foul

swallowing and wallowing perpetually ;">;">

in an ocean of misery

the more I swill, the more the belly fills

irate, until narcosis comes

along with bleeding gums

sickly and numb, I reflect on this detestable life

yes.. this is mine

lonelyandlowly,yousuckfromthecockofhypocrisymouthtomouth,backandforthgagging

andspittingupwhat'sleftofyourwitheredselfesteemhahahahhahayourintegritynotonly

compromised,butoutrightshatteredandspatonthecharade,whilesomewhatentertaining

failstohidewhoyoureallyarebarkingsoloudwithnobiteatalllivinglifeonallfours

yes...this is yours

wipingthebilefromthatfraudulentsmilethestaleairescapesfromathroat,riddledwithsores

quicktodefend,againandagainsureyoucanpretendbutintheend

...this is still yours

rage

attack the dying cell

an introspective hell

still alive and terrified

as I claw at the walls

in this sick state of mind

this one is mine...

how does it feel to be back in the game?

back to the place where you seem to forget yourself

I don't remember it being this way

then again, I don't remember too much at all

what would you say is the main objective?

could you sum up in a few words, your battle plan?

same as before, I give nothing away

this my plan of attack and so far it has served me damn well

thanks for your time

I can never care

admit to no malpractice

I lie through my teeth

the chameleon is me

and my true colours will never be seen

are we the same?

do we play the same game

or do you pretend even more than I do?

caught out too many times though

crying uncontrollably with your fingers down your throat

I think perhaps you could find better use for your time

compare your life to mine

...then kill yourself

Kin

you wear yourself inside out

a common picture painted with

a crooked brush and twisted bristles

sold for a cheap laugh

is there more than meets the eye?

could the visual be a lie?

most would not begin to try

to read between the lines

I will recognise

you are one of my own

I will notice from afar and wonder

who'll be the first to discover?

I will

still pretending you don't mind

yeah I feel fine

just shooting blind

when you decide to aim

I bet you'll go straight for the eyes...

will I understand that sense

of lunacy that you display!?

I guess what I'm trying to say is

either way - I'm entertained

I will recognise

you are one of my own

I will notice from a far and wonder

who'll be the first to discover?

this peculiar butterfly

hides his cocoon on the inside

inverted for the world to see

a visceral anomaly

I will observe, and over a period of time

I will approach and offer a little advice

you will, amidst your spasms come to realise

this tested theory simply can't be denied

kill the body and the head will die...

your unpredictability

is troubling to say the least

so I bid you goodbye

you couldn't stop this

even if you tried

I'm going straight for the eyes...

and so it goes

oh yes I will spread word

of your exquisite destruction

my hall of pain

it's a shame

you can't really appreciate

your induction

End Game (G.O.D)

greetings and a firm handshake

who would have guessed that I'd

tear off your hand

and then beat you to death with it

at least, that's what I pictured

in my head at the time...

unlocked the hand from mine

a few pleasantries here and there

get away from me!

still I bite my tongue

if I can't exit soon

this will end badly for everyone

you're just like me...but worse

how dare you speak to me

so condescendingly!

this mask of sanity

is slipping away from me

this little world of mine

hasn't enough air

for me to continue to let you breathe

what is it that compels

me to bite your tongue from your face?

your luck has run out

the well has run dry friend..

I could have sworn the blood

dripping from my mouth was real

but seemingly

it was another daydream

now I'm back here with you

how disappointing for me

I was so positive

you were laying dead at my feet

line me up one more time

I want the world to know

that I'm better than you

so smooth, so sly

I need your heart

you need to die

it's the only way

I can be satisfied

your cigarette and mine

burning out both of your eyes

seems like something I might

enjoy before I make you no more

so long and a wave goodbye

who would have guessed it?

goddamn! I could have sworn

this was my imagination!?

an orgasmic rush as I pull my fist

out of your face - not so smooth now

you smug son of a bitch! ha ha!

I wish you could be here

to see the ear to ear smile on my face

that can not be erased today

Sunday Rat Parade

odd desire to which

I'm unaccustomed to

it's as ironic

as it is unsettling

it's like a tug of war

pull me apart

how could I be my own casualty?

unlike me..

so often I've been the wicked

scandalous and illicit

uncertainty's non existant usually

not today though

mentiras - para ti

sangre - para ti

todo - para ti

contorting what I know to be reality

this aint how it's meant to be!?

once whipping loose tongue - black, forked

now seemingly clamped by slender hand

this is me

paradoxically

oh how the mind screams

for some relief... (please!)

tongue snaps once

and all is undone

now you'd take back

everything you gave to me (thief!)

but you can't run

from this spiteful tongue...

so often it was mere semantics

handicap? my advantage

always ready, always able

not today though

no hay paz para mí

no alegría para mí

nada para mi

can't help feel that you owe me

a reality that's familiar to me

shifty eyes turn clear

roll back so easily

tongue tied once again

shame on me

little pride

on this day of grief

watch me bleed for nothing

wondering how this could

ever be real and how it came to be...

what was that

a nightmare?

a lapse in judgment?

oh well, whatever

no more tug of war

it's so damn familiar now

push, pull

back and forth

'til you're worn right down

down

Shura

obligatory small talk is made

before business can be done

I lower my head and arise

to meet the eyes of one

who wouldn't pay respect

the insult is direct

codes and customs followed rigidly

save for one loud mouth employee

a little too quick with your tongue

did you forget that you speak

a language that is hardly second to me?

dishonored and dismayed

but I can mend my broken pride

by severely shortening your life

steel to steel - an antiquated notion

covert execution before forgiveness

could ever be begged for

shura...

Hangman

that day, I traded her flesh for another noose

licked her eyes closed and then set her loose

she could still find her way

and as I swayed back and forth

I could hear everybody laughing

at the silly look on my face

but she stood still

with both eyes sealed

turning to grey

fading away

in a frenzy, I struggled to free myself

from an ever tightening rope around my neck

finally undone, I hit the ground running

only to find she'd already turned to dust

gone

another stupid decision

stood there screaming at no-one

thought it over for too long

in an instant, this world aged terribly

now all I had were memories

with nobody to remember me...

another game of hangman

no help from anyone, no clues of any kind

ghosts of the past laughed hysterically

as they carved the word 'shame' into my face

and kicked the chair from under my feet

once again, I'm lost in my head

suddenly the room begun to turn

until I was upside down

no longer was I gasping for air

but my hands were bound

to my surprise she was alive

but no longer blind

with a wink of her eye

she sealed mine

this time she laughed along with them

at least I got to hear her laugh again

I stood still, both eyes sealed

turning to grey - while they all watched me fade away

and this ending, whilst fitting

seemed such a shame - there's that word again

regret did me no good that day

choked on what I tried to say

with passing time came decay

don't let them see me this way...

Plainfield

left with mother's disdain

have I done wrong?

hid from this world's immorality

I'm still unclean

under the earth

buried. laid to rest

I discover..

I dig, I play, I make,

new toys

my designs have a certain realism

authenticity

I get my hands dirty...

cut apart, stitch together

under the moonlight

my work must continue

uninterrupted

god I miss her so

left with father's damned name

and mother's rage

brief moments of serenity

deep in the grave

waiting for night

to blanket the earth and screen

the eyes of the sinners

while I operate

my handiwork would be scorned

she always warned me

not to be trusting of outsiders

return back home

so I can redecorate

skin over skin

in my death museum

would she be proud

of her filthy boy?

"hey ma.. look at me now!"

"hello mommy..

you've come back to me

is that really you?

hell no! a blasphemous masquerade!"

I know the difference

between God's purest angel

and one of Satan's sinners

mother screams through me

your blood is penance enough

redeemed after bone turns to dust

and there's the other one..

how could you crush the hopes

of this poor simpleton?

laughing hysterically

at my own personal joke

as you're bled out

hanging upside down from a rope

...there's not much to do in Plainfield

she will live on through me

yes, forever and ever

she'll live on through me...

Lead Therapy

if only we could go back to the beginning

and pick another path to get lost on

in a state of emergency

from which there is no recovery

the bottle seems to be the only relief

but she's a thief and a cheat

never will she give as much

as she will take away

so the search for another option continues

self indulgence, possible remedy?

or another enemy!

soon enough everything important shatters

and the fragments of this crude reality

will mirror all that life should be

take these two coins

thank you ferryman

take me with you

to beyond the end

my time is gone

never to return

now row this boat

so that I may burn

one more vice

to try and conquer this depression

maybe this demon can be vanquished

by yet another addiction

a tattered moral tapestry

will indeed be all that will remain

after so many of these disgraceful activities

this is bigger than it may seem

it's a system of suffering

a schematic too intricate

for these common eyes to ever interpret

set in motion, it moves swiftly

bringing an end to what should be

is it too late for therapy?

take these two coins

thank you ferryman

take me with you

to beyond the end

my time is gone

never to return

now row this boat

so that I may burn

how did it ever get this bad?

there's no-one to blame...

every method taken

to combat this emptiness fails

live, animated

but merely a reflection

elated delusions

blind to this

falsified projection

this fantasy

there is indeed

one path left

no spiraling roads

no twisted fork

all one way from here

the end is surely near now...

the end is surely near now...

through the eyes of submission - clarity

a massive emotional pause

as to finally see clearly

to enter worlds not dared

to ever be spoken of

a therapeutic dive

into nether-reality

Myopia

to the naked eye

it might seem

that I'm just another blurry face

in the light, I hide

I'll shed a tear on command,

but I'm laughing on the inside

tell me why

you're so convinced

that your past makes you heinous and sinister

in good time

I'll show you the true meaning

of repugnance, greed and malevolence

so futile

is remorse for the dead

or the ones that you've hurt

with emotion comes carelessness

so I spy

with my empty eyes:

the every day debauchery

and depravity of the common man

so I lie

I laugh and I cry, just to further understand

the embarrassment that is mankind

so you die

just as faceless and nameless

as the day you were born

these are the rules and regulations

to which you've all been sworn...

soon you'll see

(if you read the signs...)